An elderly couple, Margret and Bert, moved to Texas
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some
on sale, he bought them and wore
them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to
his wife,
Notice anything different about me?' Margaret looked him over...
'Nope.
'Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen n aked, except for the
boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time,
'Notice anything different NOW?' Margaret looked up and exclaimed,
Bert, nothings different! It's hanging down today, it was hanging
down yesterday, it'll be hanging down tomorrow!
'Furious, Bert yelled, '...AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN,
MARGARET? 'Nope,' she replied.'
..IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a
hat, Bert. You shoulda bought a hat.'.....
BASTARD
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
> into his parents rom to see his mom on top of his dad
> bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly
> dismounts, worried abou what her son has seen. she dresses
> quickly and goes to find him. the son sees his mom and asks,
> what were you and dad doing???
> the mother replies wellyou know your dad hasd a big
> tummyand sometimes i have to go on top of it and help
> flatten it.
> you are wasting your time said the boy,
> why is that, enquires the mother very puzzled.
> says the boy, well when you go shopping, the lady next
> door comes over, goes down on her knees and blows it right
> back up!
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some
on sale, he bought them and wore
them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to
his wife,
Notice anything different about me?' Margaret looked him over...
'Nope.
'Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked
back into the kitchen n aked, except for the
boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time,
'Notice anything different NOW?' Margaret looked up and exclaimed,
Bert, nothings different! It's hanging down today, it was hanging
down yesterday, it'll be hanging down tomorrow!
'Furious, Bert yelled, '...AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN,
MARGARET? 'Nope,' she replied.'
..IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a
hat, Bert. You shoulda bought a hat.'.....
BASTARD
GIRL: I have sinned. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist kissed the girl )
GIRL: ......Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he put his hand in my top.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist put his hand in the girl's top )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist took off the girl's clothes )
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
( The psychiatrist had sex with the girl )
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, then he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!!!!!
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself
> A little boy walks> into his parents rom to see his mom on top of his dad
> bouncing up and down. the mom sees her son and quickly
> dismounts, worried abou what her son has seen. she dresses
> quickly and goes to find him. the son sees his mom and asks,
> what were you and dad doing???
> the mother replies wellyou know your dad hasd a big
> tummyand sometimes i have to go on top of it and help
> flatten it.
> you are wasting your time said the boy,
> why is that, enquires the mother very puzzled.
> says the boy, well when you go shopping, the lady next
> door comes over, goes down on her knees and blows it right
> back up!
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